Ever just wanted tp be left alone? That's how I have been feeling here lately. Lately it seems like Robert and I are fighting more and more over finances, and we just don't communicate. Helping out my parents at times puts a strain on my marriage. So many times I am trying to turn to God for strength and also for refuge, but then there are times that I feel so alone. Even though I know that He is there with me.
Being with my mom and daddy and just hearing how poor they are, how broke they are, and how daddy just wants to basically give up and sell everything; it wears on your nerves. I understand that they are having money issues, but so are we (my husband and myself). There are times that is seems like they are not taking that into consideration. I am away from my husband for 4-5 days a week, and then trying to cram everything into two days gets old. There are nights I long for my husband's company.
Early this morning at 2:30 on March 20, 2013 daddy had a seizure. Mom and I had no idea what to do so we called 9-1-1. We were both woken up because of our bladders, and something told me to go to the kitchen and that's when I saw the light on in their bedroom. That is when I figured out something was wrong. Daddy was snoring really loud and was in coherent. It scared both of us. Mama finally called 9-1-1 and that is when they said that he had a seizure. Blood sugar was high, and his blood pressure was low. I finally got back to sleep about 5am after going to sleep about 12:15. It's been a long day. Daddy has slept most of the day. Today I just felt depressed, and very alone. Today has been a day I just wished for my husband's arms! My sister said something that was like a slap in the face and after she said it I could see it, but she said "Dad is going down fast." How true that is! I know that my daddy has accepted Christ into his heart, but I am not ready to see him go yet. I am a daddy's little girl and I wanted to fight her on this, but in the deepest part of my heart I knew that it was true. We have our good days and we have our bad days. It seems on the good days he is 49 soon to be 50 years old, but then on the bad days it seems like the 49 soon becomes 89 years old. This also wears on a person. I think I just need a vacation!
This is where feelings, emotions, and inspiriation starts. Heartfelt feelings wil be posted, emotions that runs deep will be posted, and even inspiriational things will be places as well!
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Sunday, March 3, 2013
A little aggravation
Have you just ever gotten so aggravated that you just needed time to yourself? That's how I feel this morning! We live in a small two bedroom trailer with all of our junk in the house (I have had several yard sales but he don't want to get rid of anything). Not only that but he has to be like right there in every room, so there is really no where to go to be by myself. It seems like all we do is argue when I am home and then that is more I have on my shoulders when I go back to Blackshear! At times I wonder if it will ever end? I have tried and I have tried to be a godly woman but at times I just need my time! I know that we all have felt that way! All this arguing is getting old, and on top of it all he DOES NOT communicate with me at all! So how am I supposed to know what he wants and don't want? Not to mention the bedroom situation! That adds stress to a marriage as well!
Friday, March 1, 2013
Peace
I know that it sounds ugly, but today I just wanted to be left by myself today and to just enjoy a book. There are times that I feel that way! I know that it has to get boring just sitting around the house, but at times it gets difficult to go and just to do because of financial aspects! It gets hard to do things like this because money is tight on my parents' end and mine and my husband's end. I know it is unfair to my daddy for just sitting at the house, but there is so little the can be done. I pray that God blesses all of us financially! I don't have a job so things does get difficult. Towards the end of the week I find myself longing for my weekends and then I am longing for nothing in particular because of the arguing that happens when I get home. I wish that there was more I could do with daddy for I know that it would do is good, but limited budget puts a hinder on that! He has big dreams of so many things and I'm the bearer of bad news because I cannot fulfill his dreams and I have dreams of a young woman who dreams of places so far out of her reach!
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