Raging Emotions

Wow as I am sitting here trying to understand everything I am becoming more and more preplexed. I know that when 2013 everything changed. Deep inside of me are the emotions of a young woman who will soon have a birthday and turn another year older. I am trying to grasp all that God has lead me to and brought me through over the years. Less than 30 years old and I already am feeling like my God at times has deserted me. Then I open up my Bible and I see it plainly that he has not forsaken me nor forgotten me. Psalm 38:21 says: Forsake me not, O Lord: O my God, be not far from me.

Those are some powerful words and I know that they are true. Last night at Women's meeting (we are studying the Book of Deuteronomy with Beth Moore.) When we have outgrown being special than we are too old. God love us no matter what we do and He wants us to know that! Then again we feel like it is so hard to trust anyone. Which it is at times, but then we have to put our whole trust in God. I have heard lately how come your parents don't hire a nurse? Or how come you are throwing your life away by helping take care of your daddy and here is the response. In the Bible it talks about taking care of the elderly, the orphans, the poor, the sick, and the widows. My daddy does have a rare condition, and my parents can't afford to hire a nurse. Does it get hard? Yes, but I strive ahead to do what I know God would want me to do.

I am just sitting here thinking about how things used to be! There was a time when we were able to just up and go, and now its if he feels like going somewhere and if he has a bad night. The days after he has a bad night are long and boring. We can't do too much for it tires him out and so then I have a lot of time on my hands because you see he needs constant care and someone watching him constantly. Sleepless nights for my mom, and long days are ahead. One of my devotions this morning was about waiting and being patient. That is something that we all have had to do is wait and be patient. Sometimes that is not the easiest thing to do, but we have to do what we have to do.

I never thought that 2013 would have started out the way that it did. The first two days were good, but then we were met up with hospital stay from January 4-18. Then we found out that daddy has a rare condition and it is nerve failure. Through this adjustment time we have had laughter, tears, and a lot of prayers. Lives has been changed, independence has been taken away, and learning a whole new life has started! As a family we have all come together to adjust to this new life, and the new way of doing things. Gone are just the quick trips to the grocery store, gone are just up and go days, and our days are filled with walkers, wheelchairs, and even medications. Through all of this I have tried to be strong, and I have tried to turn to God. There was a time I did get mad at God for having us go through this, and that night became my testimony.
On my way home that night I prayed to God to give me the tears that I needed to cry and also the words to say. He did give me the tears that night after I prayed a prayer from the bottom of my heart, and God gave me the words to say also. The words that God had given me to speak of was on "Labels" and how everyone had a label and no matter when we change our lives we still have labels that we live with. facebook.com